Keen Spotted in Ely follower Stephen Germaney (thanks Stephen for your hard work) collected lots of questions to ask the 3 local candidates, Lucy Frazer (Conservative), Lucy Nethsinga (Liberal Democrat) and Huw Jones (Labour) and all agreed to answer them.
Questions range from schools to Europe and everything in between.
We even get a joke out of them all at the end.
Tell us about yourself and how you got into politics?
Nethsinga: I got involved in politics in around 1995, when I felt John Major’s government was so chaotic and mean spirited. I stood for the council in Truro, Cornwall, the town where I grew up. I became a town councillor there in 1999 and have been involved with Lib Dem politics ever since.
Jones: I work as a crop scientist, currently working on projects with Philippine and Ghanaian researchers. I’ve been a longstanding governor of Impington Village College and I’m currently a member of the Morris Educational Trust. In quieter moments I help to let off fireworks at the annual village display, raising cash for village schools. In 2016 I was in involved in delivering aid to refugees in Calais. Histon is my home. I live and work in SE Cambridgeshire and I am proud to represent Labour. I grew up in a family where politics were the talk of everyday life. It was inevitable that I would be a political animal.
Frazer: I believe that it is important to try and make a difference to our society and I stood for Parliament at the last election to do that. Before I was elected I was a barrister and I hope that the skills that I learned in that role have useful tools to fight to improve our area.
In the two years I was lucky enough to be an MP I have seen that it is possible to bring about positive changes. I have successfully fought for funding for our roads (£16m for the Ely Bypass), rail (£8m for Ely North Junction) and our schools (£6m Opportunity Fund). I have also supported our local campaign to save the Princess of Wales.
I also have a wonderfully supportive husband, David, and two children.
What are you doing to ensure our children get fairer funding for their schools?
Jones: Labour will deliver a great school in every neighbourhood. Labour will invest £5bn in schools, paid for by corporations who benefit from a well educated, well trained nation.Our schools are facing a crisis. Market driven schools and cuts will mean larger class sizes, fewer options at GCSE, less support for pupils with needs. It will mean more begging letters where head teachers are reduced to asking parents to fund basics in their school.In 2015 Lucy Frazer promised fair funding for Cambridgeshire schools. At that time we were among the lowest funded education authorities. Now that Lucy and her Tory government have delivered on her promise we remain among the lowest funded education authorities. Before Tory ‘fair funding’ our local schools received £4.7k per year for each child. The local schools where Lucy lives in St John Wood received £8.4k per year. How is that fair? Before ‘Tory Fair Funding’ Cambridgeshire was 137th in the table of school funding, now we’re 130th, the schools in Lucy’s neighbourhood are 5th in the table. How is that fair?
My children went to local schools in SE Cambridgeshire and I’m really proud of the Village College ethos of inclusion and aspiration for all. Lucy Frazer wants to bring back the old, damaging grammar school system of a tiered education system.
In 1997 Labour said we had three priorities ‘Education, Education, Education’. We transformed schools, respected teachers, and, under the ‘Funding Future Schools’ initiative, we mended the leaking roofs or replaced dilapidated schools. We did it before and we’ll do it again
Frazer: Ensuring that our schools get more funding has been one of my top priorities over the past two years. I have campaigned tirelessly for a fairer funding deal. This has involved taking the head teachers of the state secondary schools to meet the Secretary of State for Education on three separate occasions. I have also raised this issue at the highest level – with the Prime Minister and I am delighted that the Conservative manifesto commits £4 billion more to fairer funding which will benefit our local schools.
Additionally, and as a result of our significant lobbying in Westminster, East Cambridgeshire and Fenland were awarded a further £6 million and priority bid status for any government education funding projects as one of only twelve Opportunity Areas in the country. The Opportunity Areas scheme is designed to help improve social mobility and will bring significant benefits. Just before the General Election was called I was working with the Department of Education to see how our local schools could bid to benefit from these government programmes. If I am re-elected I will continue to work to ensure our local schools get the best possible support.
Nethsinga: This issue is particularly close to my heart. As a primary school teacher I know very well the impact of low funding and big class sizes on children and their teachers. My first teaching job, in the 1990s, was of a class of 36, and simply marking the books for maths and english every evening too me hours and hours every day. It definitely had an impact on the education of the children I taught. I had hoped we would not see class sizes like that again, but my daughter is now in a class of 35, and her school is facing cuts. We must stop the Conservative cuts to schools funding. The Lib Dems have promised an additional £7 billion to make sure we reverse the Conservatives cuts programme and make sure our children get the quality of education they deserve.
How did you vote in the Referendum and what do you see as the pro’s and con’s of Brexit for East Cambs?
Frazer: I voted to remain in the EU. But I support the decision to leave because I believe in democracy. I believe that when we ask people to vote for something in a referendum and they vote in a particular way we need to respect that decision.
Our top priority now must be to ensure we get the best possible deal for our country and our local area. We need to ensure that the deal works for us. I have had the opportunity to raise a number of matters that have been highlighted to me by local businesses and I have ensured that Ministers are aware of these in the lead up to our negotiations to ensure that the deal works for our area.
Nethsinga: I voted remain, and continue to believe strongly that leaving the EU will be bad for Britain, and particularly bad for the economy of East Cambridgeshire. As an area we already have full employment, and the inability to recruit nurses or agricultural workers from the EU, or attract research funding for our tech companies, could have very serious consequences.
I do not believe voters were told the truth during the referendum campaign, but even more importantly I think that at the time of the referendum there was no clarity on what leaving the EU would be like.
We were told we could leave and still have access to the single market and free trade with Europe. At the end of the Brexit negotiations in 2019 we will have clear idea of what the impact of leaving the EU will be.
I believe that at that point the British people should be allowed a say, either by a referendum or in some other way, so that there is a real choice when we know what the outcome of the negotiations is, and what our options outside the EU really are. Our current relationship with the EU as a full member, but with opt-outs on a range of issues, is one which is far better than anything we are likely to be offered outside. I respect the need for Brexit negotiations, coming after the referendum, but I don’t feel we should leave what ever the damage. If in 2019 leaving looks like a bad deal, we should keep our options open.
Jones: I voted Remain, I campaigned for Remain in Ely and across SE Cambs.
The Tories proposed the EU referendum to hide their party divisions. The LibDems called for a referendum in their 2015 manifesto.
The Labour party did not call for a referendum but we are democrats and accept the result. We will clear up the Brexit mess created by the Tories and LibDems.
The Labour message is clear; we will negotiate to get the best deal for the British economy.
- put jobs and the economy first
- retain the benefits of the Single Market and the Customs Union
- guarantee existing rights for all EU nationals living in Britain & secure reciprocal rights for UK citizens living in EU countries
- ensure that the UK maintains our leading research role in EU wide scientific collaborations
- securing continued EU market access for British farmers and food producers
- Retain the benefit of EU-derived laws including workplace laws, consumer rights and environmental protections
We will not
- Sacrifice the UK economy on the altar of anti migrant xenophobia
- Lecture the British people on how they got it wrong in 2016 and tell them to vote again and again and again until they get it right
I am Welsh, British and European. I believe Britain’s place is in Europe and that we will, in time, rejoin the EU. A second referendum in 2018 will set the cause of Britain in Europe back by a generation.
We won’t send Blithering Boris, David Davis and Liam Fox to wreck our relationship with Europe. Labour will send Kier Starmer, Emily Thornberry and Barry Gardner to get the best deal for Britain and leave the door open for a better relationship with Europe.
If elected to the Houses of Parliament will you vote for what is best for your constituents or follow the party line, and how do you determine what is best for your constituency?
Nethsinga: If elected to the House of Parliament I would always put what is best for the constituency above the party line. I have lived in Cambridgeshire for 10 years, and know the issues facing this area well. I am particularly concerned at the impact Conservative cuts are having on our NHS and care services. There are real problems with recruiting staff to work in our hospitals and care homes, and Conservative polices are making these recruitment problems worse. The Lib Dems are very committed as a party to local views and representation, so there is wide acceptance in the party that the constituency should come first
Jones: I am a Labour candidate, not an independent. The Labour offer will transform SE Cambs for the better. Within the broad brush of Labour policy I will fight within the detail to ensure that our area gets the best deal. However, there are issues of conscience, such as assisted dying, where I will always vote in accordance with my beliefs
Frazer: If re-elected to be your MP I will continue to fight for our area as I have done over the past 2 years. For example I raised the need to support the Princess of Wales with the Prime Minister in Prime Minister’s Questions last year and only two months ago I raised with her the need for more funding for our local schools. I have spent much time meeting local groups, large businesses, independent traders, and charities to hear their views. I pass on those views to Ministers in Westminster. I will always stand up for our local area recognising also that if re-elected, I will be elected as a Conservative.
Would you support the upgrading of the A10? And how do you entice more skilled, and often better paid, jobs in East Cambs to enable people to work closer to home?
Jones: I support enhancements to public transport. In particular, I support the Rail Futures proposals to enhance rail services with new stations at Soham, Fulbourn and Cherry Hinton. I also support improvements to bus services, and improving public transport links in and around the villages of SE Cambs.
Frazer: Yes I would continue to support the upgrading of the A10. I have already raised this twice with the Chancellor of the Exchequer and liaised with local leaders to progress this. I will continue to do so if re-elected.
Giving people the option of working from home or closer to home in one of our many successful business parks is also important. I am presently pushing for our area to become a 5G pilot to ensure we have the connectivity we need for businesses to operate well locally.
Nethsinga: The commuter issues in Ely and East Cambs are certainly getting worse, and there is a real need for greater investment to allow people to move about our area more easily. Improving our roads is important, particularly the junctions on the A10 and on the A14, (particularly the Stow-cum-Quy junction and the junction with the A142). That said I am very worried by the Conservatives attitude to transport, which seems to be all about building dual carriageways. There is no point speeding down a dual carriageway, if you then have to sit in traffic for an hour at the end of it to get to your destination, dialling the A10 would be a massive waste of money if there is no change in the capacity of the roads or junctions you reach at the end of the dual carriageway. That is why I believe that investing in rail and bus services is just as big a part of the answer to the transport problems in the area. We need to give more people more and better options, which means investing in things which will bring real increases in capacity, not just allow people to drive faster to the end of the queue!
On the issue of more work in East Cambs itself, I think this will come, especially as broadband improves, (the government’s roll-out has been far too slow), and more people work some of the time from home. One issue which is really important for improving the local economy in East Cambs is ensuring that our young people have the right access to high quality teaching and I am very concerned that the current government’s policies are reducing the options for post-16 education in East Cambs.
Would you support lowering the voting age to 16?
Frazer: Not at the moment. I have debated this subject with students at various local schools in the course of an inter-school debating competition that I organise annually and I am not currently convinced that lowering the age is appropriate.
Nethsinga: Yes. My teenage children are very interested in politics, and very well informed. They are considered old enough to marry, join the army, and pay taxes, yet not old enough to put a cross on a piece of paper to express their view on the government. Having the voting age at 18 means that many young people vote for the first time just after they move away from home, and when they are likely to feel lowest knowledge or attachment to the place where they live. Voting at 16 would mean most young people voted while still in the area where they grew up, and where they are more likely to understand and have informed views of the issues at stake.
Jones: Yes. If you’re old enough to pay tax, you’re old enough to vote… No taxation without representation!
What is your view on the resettlement of refugees in East Cambridgeshire and would you support the reconsidering of the Dubs amendment?
Nethsinga: I would certainly support the reconsideration of the Dubs amendment. I am disgusted by the attitude of this government towards refugees, and their unwillingness to offer sanctuary to those most in need. In the past this country offered refuge to jews from Germany and before that to protestants fleeing persecution in France. The country benefitted greatly from the knowledge and skills those people brought.
Jones: I am ashamed that my Conservative MP voted against the Dubs amendment. I believe our community and our council could do more to resettle and support refugees.
My party says “Refugees are not migrants. They have been forced from their homes, by war, famine or other disasters. Unlike the Tories, we will uphold the proud British tradition of honouring the spirit of international law and our moral obligations by taking our fair share of refugees. The current arrangements for housing and dispersal of refugees are not fit for purpose. They are not fair to refugees or to our communities. We will review these arrangements.
After the 2015 election I made two trips transporting aid to refugees marooned in Calais. To be honest, I drifted into it having been asked by a friend to borrow the our van. We collected tinned food and sleeping bags that had been donated at Daily Bread on King’s Hedges Road. I set off in late September with a friend and another volunteer, not really knowing what to expect.
I saw things that day that I will never forget. It was all the more shocking that it was happening in Calais, a town I’d travelled through many times. I have found it hard to describe the events of that day. There were highs, talking with refugees and volunteers and witnessing a refugee returning a dropped UK passport that one of our group dropped 100m behind on a track. There were lows, witnessing the desperation of the refugees and walking through shanties in a situation with implicit and explicit violence. And I saw young children, though I have no idea if they were alone or not.
My second trip was in late November, the day after a storm. The scene was one of total desolation.
I almost made a third trip in Spring 2016, waved off from Cambridge by Dan Zeichner. We drove from Cambridge, assembled in Whitehall and drove in convoy to Dover, where we were refused entry by the French authorities!
In April 2016 Lord Dubs sponsored an amendment to the Immigration Act 2016 to offer unaccompanied refugee children safe passage to Britain amidst the European migrant crisis. Alf Dubs was born in Prague, then in Czechoslovakia. Dubs was one of 669 Czech-resident, mainly Jewish, children saved from the Nazis on the Kindertransport. At least 10,000 unaccompanied child refugees have disappeared after arriving in Europe, according to the EU’s criminal intelligence agency. Many are feared to have fallen into the hands of organised trafficking syndicates. Human-trafficking gangs exploit the children for sex and slavery. When the Dubs amendment came before the House of Commons I wrote to Lucy Frazer. I hoped that she would remember our country’s generosity in the past and vote to protect unaccompanied children by welcoming them to the UK. On 25 April Lucy Frazer voted to oppose the Dubs amendment.
In May 2016 the Conservative government accepted a House of Lords amendment that would allow 3000 children into the UK. In February 2017 the same government reneged on the scheme up having given refuge to only 350 children.
Frazer: I am delighted that we have welcomed our first refugee family in Ely. I have liaised with the local council about how we resettle refugees locally and I have spoken in the House of Commons about the importance of not only offering homes but also welcoming them properly.
I am pleased that the Government’s resettlement programme – which will bring 23,000 vulnerable people to the UK to start new lives by 2020, is one of the biggest in Europe. I think that one of the best ways to resettle the most vulnerable refugees is directly from the camps in and around Syria; this is how we stop traffickers and smugglers from exploiting vulnerable people and children affected by conflict and prevent them from embarking on perilous journeys across the Mediterranean.
We are the second largest donor of humanitarian aid to Syria at £2.4 billion since 2012. Last year we were able to provide this help to over 800,000 children in Syria and the surrounding countries for the same investment that it would take to support 3,000 unaccompanied asylum-seeking children under 16 in the UK for one year.
In 2016 we relocated almost as many children from within Europe to the UK as the entire of the EU’s relocation scheme.
The Dubs amendment required us to consult Local Authorities on how many additional children they can manage. Each year 3,000 children arrive in the UK and claim asylum and we are taking approximately 2,000 – 3,000 each year through resettlements schemes. All of these children need support and protection – as do the British children in our care system. It is right that the Dubs amendment requires us to ask Local authorities how many more children they could safely accept – and that is exactly what we did.
I support the position that if Local Authorities come forward with any further spare capacity then we should offer those to unaccompanied children already being cared for in the UK and those who continue to arrive and claim asylum.
We need to guard against creating an additional pull factor – children sent alone, from danger into danger, because of their belief that if they make it to Europe, then they just might get to come to the UK. We need to ensure that children can come to the UK safely and directly and with their families.
What will you and your party do to make housing affordable and assist the younger generation to own their own property?
Jones: Labour will build a million new homes in five years, with at least half a million council homes, through public investment. Labour will rebuild and transform Britain by building council homes and homes that first-time buyers can afford. Already Cambridge’s Labour city council is using the ‘City Deal’ to build affordable homes and homes for rent to ensure Cambridge and the surrounding areas will remain an attractive place to work and live.
I was lucky enough to be starting out when homes were more affordable. Many of my friends and colleagues rent their homes. Some of the stories they tell me are shocking. My own children have grown up and left home. They rent and I share their experiences. Private rents are soaring and insecure tenancies are a significant cause of homelessness as people become more vulnerable to rip-off landlords in an unregulated market. Labour will end insecurity for private renters by introducing rent controls, secure tenancies and a charter of private tenants’ rights, and increase access to affordable home ownership
I want young people to have a realistic chance for a home of their own.
Frazer: East Cambridgeshire District Council is ensuring that we build local houses for local people. The Community Land Trust provides affordable housing for local people. This is a project I fully support.
Nethsinga: The Lib Dem manifesto makes a commitment to increase house building to 300,000 homes a year. To make that happen we would free local authorities and government to build the houses we need, not just leave it to developers, who have an interest in keeping prices high. I also believe that many people would want to rent, even if there were enough houses, as for those who are not yet settled renting can be a good option. We must improve renter’s rights, and make sure those renting have much better security from both eviction and rapid rent rises. Everyone deserves to feel secure, and many people who rent do not feel their homes are secure. Both landlords and tenants need to be given better support to improve our housing situation.
Would you support a proportional system of voting in the future?
Frazer: In a UK wide referendum in 2011 the British public were asked if they wanted to replace the First Past the Post with the Alternative Voting system for electing members of parliament. Over 19 million people voted and the result was clear, with the yes vote at 32.1% and the no vote at 67.9%. I do not support a change from the first past the post system.
Nethsinga: Yes of course. The Lib Dems have been arguing for a fairer voting system for many years. The current system means that right across the country many people are having to make decisions about who they DON’T want to represent them, as much as who they do. The first past the post system means that in many many constituencies voters don’t have much about who will be their representative. Votes for smaller parties tend to have little impact. I am sure this is one of the reasons why we have seen more and more disengagement from politics, with turnouts at elections on a long-term downward trend. In a world where people are accustomed to a great deal of choice, many voters dislike being forced to choose from two options. We need to modernise the electoral system so people can make positive choices for the party which best matches their priorities, without feeling that this will make their vote meaningless.
Jones: My party doesn’t currently support PR but will make a thorough review of UK democratic processes. My preference is for ‘Single Transferrable Vote’ systems. While STV is not 100% proportional it has the advantages of retaining the link of one MP for one constituency and puts real choice and more power in the hands of the voters. STV would put voters, not parties first. Classic PR puts too much power into the hands of the party machines who decide on which loyal party ‘hacks’ get to the head of the queue when the ‘top up’ candidates are selected.
Much has been talked of a ‘progressive alliance’ where parties do deals in ‘smoke filled rooms’ to narrow the choice offered to voters; at the end of the day, I’m more comfortable campaigning for what I believe in.
Who would be your ideal 4 dinner party guests (from past or present) and why?
Nethsinga: Michelle Obama, Hugh Dennis, Jane Austin and my husband Andrew. I would love to hear how Michelle Obama found being First Lady, and some stories from the Whitehouse, she is one of my heroes. Hugh Dennis is always entertaining and would make sure the whole party was a laugh. I would love to hear Jane Austin’s views on our modern world, and I always enjoy dinner parties much more if I go with Andrew!
Jones: Rachael Carson: who laid the foundation of modern environmental politics
Jeremy Corbyn: for restoring my faith in politicians
Joe Strummer: for all the great Clash songs
Jo Brand: who makes me laugh
Frazer: Winston Churchill (a great man in a difficult age), Sheryl Sandberg (a woman who supports working women), my grandma (who passed away, I’d love to speak to her now) and my husband (I’d like him to share the experience).
Would you support the return of the death penalty for murderers, terrorists and child killers and why?
Jones: No. Ian Brady, the Moors murderer, Salman Abedi and the rest turn make my stomach churn but just imagine the injustice if the Birmingham Six, who were later found innocent, had been hanged.
Nethsinga: No, while I know there are a very small number of people who never repent of their actions, and are fundamentally evil, I believe the risk of miscarriage of justice, means it is better not to have the death penalty. The number of cases where the death penalty would be reasonable ought to be tiny, and it is not worth the risk of killing an innocent person for the tiny number of cases where it would be the right outcome.
If there is a free vote on the return of fox hunting, how will you vote?
Frazer: If there is a free vote I would consider carefully the views of my constituents and would encourage all constituents to get in touch so that I can properly take their views into account.
Nethsinga: I would not vote to repeal the fox hunting ban.
Jones: Quite simply, the Labour Party opposes hunting with dogs and even if the party had a different position I would still vote against it.
How do we stop people relying on food banks?
Nethsinga: I know from work I did last year on changes to the benefits system that the majority of those living in poverty in this country these days are families with young children where one parent is working. Low pay is a massive problem, and it is one which hits families hardest. The costs of bringing up children are extremely high, particularly when housing costs are so high.
We need to stop Conservative cuts for those on in-work benefits like family tax credits. Cuts to these benefits hit young children and the disabled particularly hard, leaving many more children in poverty, which has a bad impact on their school results, and leads to cycles of poverty becoming entrenched. We must make sure there is a proper safety net in this country for those in need. We could all have an accident and end up requiring help, we need to make sure that we look after those who need help properly!
Jones: The majority of people who use food banks are working and in poverty. Labour will overhaul the benefits system to make it fit for purpose. The Tory LibDem coalition used austerity to punish the poor. Labour will ensure people can live with dignity and security and find ways to help people turn their lives around through life-long learning.
My father grew up in the 30’s, his family subjected to the Means Test. My daughter has been ‘sanctioned’ by the modern benefit system. Different eras, different methodology but the same impulse to make the poor pay for the nation’s economic failure.
Labour will rebuild and transform our social security system. Four million children currently live in poverty, and the majority are in working families. We will commit to a new Child Poverty Strategy. Foodbanks, bedroom tax, degrading disability assessments, brought to us by Tories & LibDems, will be consigned to history.
Frazer: We need to ensure that those people who are the most vulnerable get our support. We also need to ensure that people are supported into work and that work pays. By 2020 those earning less than £12,500 will pay no tax and it is important we support the National Living Wage which is now a minimum of £7.50 across the UK.
How do we properly support the NHS?
Jones: How do we solve a funding crisis? By reversing the austerity imposed by the Tories & Lib Dems during the Coalition. How do we address the lack of doctors (and nurses)? In the medium to long term we need to train enough to meet the needs of the NHS. In the short term we need to respect the professionalism of our health workers rather than the treatment meted out to them by Jeremy Hunt. This has not been helped by the Conservatives drive towards privatisation of NHS services. We can expect more privatisation within the NHS after Theresa May has confirmed her support for the Naylor Report, which pressurises hospitals to sell off their assets.
Frazer: Over the course of a parliament we spend half a trillion pounds on the NHS. The Conservative Government has already committed a further £10 billion. But ensuring the NHS works well is not just about funding, it is about ensuring that money is spent wisely.
Nethsinga: The funding crisis and the lack of doctors and dentists are fundamentally linked. Doctors and dentists are leaving the NHS because the work-load makes their jobs hugely stressful. My brother is a GP, and comes home exhausted and stressed everyday, and also feeling that he is not able to look after his patients in the way he would like to. He considered leaving the profession regularly. We need to train more doctors and dentists, but most of all we need to make sure we appreciate the ones we have, and that they feel able to do a good job at work. British trained doctors are very popular abroad, and we are loosing more every day.
What do you love most about living locally and why should people vote for you?
Frazer: I love the people, cycling and Wicken Fen! I (and the whole family) are looking forward to the new cinema.
Over the past two years I have successfully fought to improve our area. I am proud to have worked with others to ensure that the Ely Bypass is now under construction, to have lobbied successfully for the £8 mto upgrade Ely North junction, and to have gained £6m more for our local schools. I am honoured to have been able to effectively support our local campaign to save the Princess of Wales Minor Injuries Unit in Ely and I would love to have the opportunity to continue to fight for our area.
Nethsinga: I love that the climate and geography in Cambridgeshire encourages me to cycle a great deal, both for transport and for leisure and I love my bike! I also love the amazing variety of bird life in the trees and hedges around my house, and the way they change with the seasons.
People should vote for me because I know and love this area, and have been working to improve our schools and health care services for the past 8 years as a County Councillor. I would like to take that same fight to our national parliament, to make sure that Cambridgeshire’s schools and hospitals don’t continue to be short-changed by national governments. The Conservatives have taken this area for granted for too long.
Jones: I’ve lived in the constituency since 1992. My family grew up here, I’ve put down roots and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. The best thing about my village is the energy and friendliness in the community. I grew up in Wales but I love the warm dry summers here for cycling and gardening.
I’m not running for parliament for a career. I’ve had a great career in science and a good life in a great area. I think I can give something back, with a different way of thinking and a different approach. Our community in SE Cambs is one of the powerhouses of the UK economy. Our kids deserve great schools, our people deserve great health care, our older people deserve respect and support. If I’m elected I’ll work with Labour and Jeremy Corbyn to deliver for SE Cambridgeshire.
What was the joke you heard that made you laugh out loud?
Nethsinga: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to avoid the leader’s debate!
Jones: Yesterday I was at my local Tesco’s buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since it was a long queue and there was little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost two stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter’s bottom and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tesco’s.
Frazer: Q) Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A) because then it would be a foot